Sexuality – A person’s sexual orientation or preference. the quality or state of being sexual. Expression of sexual receptively or interest especially when excessive.
When most people see my topic ”SEXUALITY” for today’s post, the first thing that would pop into their heads will be sex. We all know what sex is but sex is only a small part of who we are as sexual beings. Every one is a sexual being even those that are not having sex.
According to one of my online reading and research,
- Sexuality is much more than body parts and sex ( though it includes these things too).
- Sexuality includes gender role ( the idea of how one should behave because we are female or male.
- Sexuality also includes our sexual orientation.
- sexuality includes how we feel about our bodies. we call that “body image”, and poor body image can have a profound effect on our ability to have healthy relationship.
- Sexuality includes the way in which the media, family, friends, society, religion, age, life goals and our self-esteem shape our sexual selves.
- Sexuality includes how we experience intimacy, touch, love, compassion, joy and sorrow.
We like this quote ” sexuality is expressed in the way we speak, smile, stand , sit, dress, dance, laugh and cry”…..
Today i decided to talk about this topic because i noticed we women rarely talk about sexuality or about our intimate feelings. I wondered why to myself where in a society like ours, women have to pretend as if such things don’t exist. Most parents especially mothers don’t know that they are expected to have the ‘sex talk’ with their children at least at the age of 10-12 especially with their daughters but NO, they won’t . When you ask why, it’s either they are not aware that they are expected to do that or they feel having the talk will ”SPOIL” them.
This Children in turn would either learn from experience or learn from someone who might teach them something else.. I feel our girls are supposed to be thought such important topic at their formative age, because aside from it helping them avoid mistakes it would create an open type of relationship between the parents and their children. The type where the children won’t want to hide anything from them and would be very open to talk about anything and everything.
Another issue that motivated my topic today was what i heard on a radio show called ”JELA’S CLINIC”. A woman called in to make a complain . she said that her husband is really not experienced in sex to her liking or should i say that he is restricted to certain things in bed . Now, her problem is the above but her question is how can she confront the problem? should she tell her husband or should she just keep quiet and pretend she is enjoying it because according to her, she knows a lot compared to her husband but she doesn’t want her husband to feel that she is a loose woman or that she is wild.
This got me thinking, why would a woman be scared or ashamed to have such an important intimate discussion with her husband? Well the idea is clear for all to see. The problem is society. Our society has created and structured woman not to be sexual beings. According to CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE ” WE TEACH GIRLS THAT THEY CANNOT BE SEXUAL BEINGS IN THE WAY THAT BOYS ARE” . This type of teachings now structures a woman in a way that even if things are not going her way, she has to keep quiet. My question is for how long? What if she starts cheating? what if she becomes sexually frustrated? Most women if not every woman have what they like and prefer when it comes to their sexual life, so is it bad to tell or discuss it with your partners? For me, i think men should be open to listening and learning new things the same as a woman. It shouldn’t make you feel less of a man to know what your wife like and stop seeing our women your wives as being loose.
For women, i think the way you say it might also be contributing to this issue i stand to be corrected. Knowing the right way to say it would help a lot . Learn not to make it look like his totally bad or bad at all, create ways that makes it look like you want the both of you to learn something new. Women need to know it’s OK to want more and its OK to ask talk to your partners or even talk about it. Most women find it hard to talk about sex as a topic . They hide under religion in most cases but men are so free to talk about sex and they don’t shy away from it.
I met this amazing blogger Amyn Bawa- Allah her writings are so real and she doesn’t hide or shy away from the topic sex.. writing or talking about it doesn’t make her a loose or wild lady . It only shows she’s comfortable with her sexuality and is willing to learn and share the little she knows..
The truth is sexuality is an integrated part of who we are, what we believe, what we feel and how we respond to others. Which means that whether you like it or not and whether you say anything or not, you will have a strong influence on the sexuality of your children. SILENCE MAY EVEN SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS..
For all the men reading this, would you like your wife to talk about her sexual desire with you or would you prefer that she remains silent because she doesn’t want you to feel like a loser? Lets hear your opinion on today’s topic . For our ladies and women out there, would you be comfortable talking about your sexual desires and want to your husband without feeling like a loose woman ? If yes how would you do that?