One of my readers requested I research, read and then write on the above topic. During my research , I found a write up written by Pastor Kevin Sanders. 

According to pastor Kevin Sanders ; You are ready for a relationship if you are prepared to get married within a reasonable amount of time. I agree with many Christian authors on this point he said, dating/courting should be preparation for marriage. If you cannot seriously think about marriage, you should probably not be involved in an exclusive relationship with the opposite sex.

What do I mean by being ready to marry? I’ll give you a few factors.


Emotionally Ready: marriage is for people who are emotionally mature. From a scientific/ biological standpoint, we know that the brain continues  to mature into the mid-twenties.   

This does not mean that we are automatically matured by age 25, nor does it mean all teenagers are immature. I have met some 30 year olds who act like they are still 13. I’ve met some 17-year-olds who are quite level-headed and mature. Even the most mature teenager, however, will probably be wiser by the time he/she is in the mid-twenties.

Financially Ready: Men, don’t bother pursuing a serious relationship if you are not financially ready to take care of a family (or able to get to that point soon). Women, don’t commit yourself to a man who has not proven himself to be a good provider. I know this sounds materialistic or unromantic, but there’s nothing more unromantic than wondering where your next meal will come from. I don’t mean that a guy has to be rich, just financially stable. Both men and women should look for someone who is disciplined financially.    Spiritually Ready: A marriage relationship should glorify God. The Bible often compares marriage to God’s relationship with His people (the Church is called the Bride of Christ, for example). You can only glorify God with your relationships if you are spiritually mature yourself. Focus on your relationship with God before focusing on romantic relationships. I do not mean that you need a perfect spiritual life to be ready. I simply mean that you need to learn the basics of walking with God.
After reading the above article, it got me thinking about a lot of things. I can remember my grandmother telling me how people hot married back in the days.  A man sees a lady likes her,  without talking to her asked about her family,meets her and declares his intention to marry her. There was no courting or dating or boyfriend girlfriend.  From there, it changed to the Era of most of our parents.  Where the man sees a woman  declares his interest to her, they meet up once in awhile in an open place and talk while he the preparation for their marriage is going on.  When people see the two of them together, everyone knows they are getting married.  Now, let’s bring it back to our time. If you look around you every one has a boyfriend irrespective of the age.  No one is innocent in that aspect. The western way of life has changed a lot in our normal everyday way of life.  Now a young girl in secondary has  a boyfriend she can hang out with, kiss and sometimes have sex with.  Most of our parents don’t even know their children is dating or whether they are in a relationship or not.  The fact that you choose not to ask or   chat with him /her about it doesn’t mean they aren’t dating.  
My Colleague Mr Gerald and I were talking about relationships and he asked me a question “Who is a boyfriend or girlfriend?”  I gave him my simple answer. He said ” Precious I will tell you the truth, this is just a tool crafted by boys/ men to take advantage of the women emotionally and physically without having any responsibility attached to it”. I tried to reason what he said because to me it didn’t make sense at that point.  He explained further that gone are the days of seeing a woman and going straight to marry her.  Now,  a man will date a girl/woman for years use her and date or even marry another when he feels he has had enough.  

According to Mr Gerald, this tactics by men has gotten to another level.  Which is the engagement level.  Since most girls are keeping themselves till they “find the Mr Right”  most men, now play the role of a fiance by engaging the lady,  thereby upgrading in level telling the girl your not just a boyfriend.  



“I met my wife in the University we were just casual friends until I met her again where we were under going our National youth service in the North and we became close friends. After our one year service and she went back to the North,  it was then I realized I had to marry this lady before someone does. We didn’t have to date but we were friends and we knew each other very well” says Mr Gerald.  
Most people go into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I know that it’s not all relationship that ends up in marriage.  But I strongly believe that before getting into a relationship, one of the questions you ask yourself is, where is this relationship going to lead to, can I see myself marrying this man in the long run?  Few months ago, I asked a former school mate of mine how her boyfriend was.  “we broke up” she said?  Why I asked?  Is it distance or he cheated or what exactly?  “Well nothing” she said.  “I really can’t continue the relationship because I knew from beginning that I can’t marry him. His really not my type” .  I was shocked because I never expected it.  Why would you date someone when you don’t see yourself having anything to do with him later on?                                                                              
According to an article written by Carmen on Courtshipnow. Com  (On what age should one be dating) 
Nature of Dating Relationships:

There are different ways to approach dating. Two stand out as the most common approaches in our society.

steady dating: exclusively dating one person for a period of time
serial dating: moving through a series of one romantic relationship to another
What attracts young men and women to dating are typically different things.

Young women are often looking for the security of emotional support and that feeling of being cherished by one person – being someone’s “one and only”! They are craving the attention of a man in their life.

Young men are often looking for an outlet for their growing physical desires and sexual urges. They too can be craving attention from a woman, to fill a gap in their emotional life – but that is less common the case for men as for women. 

These underlying motivations can be obvious to a young man or woman, but they can also be subconscious. Either way, they still exist. It is the stirring of manhood and womanhood through adolescence that is heightening the interest in dating. Hormones, emotional needs and a desire to be adult-like work together shape how a young man and woman will view the relationships in their life.          

  I know some of our parents married quite young and it worked for them but that’s not a criteria to conclude. I won’t say don’t go into a relationship because it’s our choice.  But if we need to, let’s do it because we are ready to go to the next stage which is marriage.  I believe there is time for everything, at least life has thought me that. 

So tell me what you think. When exactly do you feel is the right time to go into a relationship?  Is the term Boyfriend really a scam in most cases?  Are you like Mr Gerald that believes in see a girl you like, study her and marry her or do you believe in dating for a while or for a long time and marry?  Share your wonderful opinion let’s all talk about it. 

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14 comments

  1. Is there really a right time to do something though? Well I feel the right time to date would be when one fully understands the concept of being in a relationship. Age isn’t really a criteria anymore

    1. What a great opinion… But even a 16 year old thinks he/she is ready because he feels he understands the concept of relationship… My question now is to what extent do they really understand? Are they ready when unforseen circumstances arise?

      1. What a thought provoking piece. Relationship is usually an area that we most often hand over to our emotions but deep-seated thought like this brings in the reason into the equation. I agree with you completely on the areas of emotional and financial readiness before a young man and a young woman go into a serious relationship.
        However, I am of the opinion that young people can start a bit earlier by participating in group work that bring both young men and young women together, possibly for as volunteers for a community work, under adult supervision.
        Thank you, once again for your brilliant work.

  2. Re: Women, don’t commit yourself to a man who has not proven himself to be a good provider.
    This is both objectifing and exploiting men as a walking wallet. Since women entered the workforce enmass causing an over supply of labor men’s wages have been falling ever since. No sane man should ever consider marriage but if a man does marry he should only marry a woman who is willing to contribute financially equally to the marriage.
    Women who refuse to do so are little better than deadbeats who should be avoided at all costs.

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