It’s yet another Saturday…. A day a lot of people are getting married. For some, this is the happiest day of their lives and can’t wait to begin the new chapter of their lives. While for some, this is the beginning of losing themselves.
Marriage is supposed be a beautiful thing. The next phase of life most women pray day and night for. “After marriage what next”. My boss and I were talking and she said something “the way Nigerian women as an achievement, it scares her”. According to her, she got married at the age of 19 and she asked her self this question “what next?”. In the name of getting married, a lot of women lose their identity. You forget the woman you were. The women who had dreams and aspirations. Don’t get me wrong, I know marriage is all about sacrifice and indulgence. But that doesn’t mean you become another person entirely.
“A lot of women lose track of what they believe in, what they stand for, what’s important to them and what makes them happy just because they happen to be in a relationship/marriage”.
A lot of women you see who had successful careers, suddenly quit and become stay home wife/mother,and when you ask them their reason “my husband asked me to. He says he wants me to focus on the family”. I really find it funny. Well most men give their wives the option of going into business while others don’t. Forgetting that your only increasing the burden on yourself as well as making your wife “useless”.
WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT MEAN TO LOSE YOURSELF?
“Losing yourself also means losing some very important things like perspective and feelings of self-worth—all of which you need to have intact to see anything clearly. So, no, you probably won’t see it if you’re losingyourself in a relationship”.
A lot of people think that the process of losing oneself in a relationship is very obvious—that it always involves things like dressing exactly like the partner, assuming all of his friends, giving up their careers to be a kept woman and disappearing from social media. Most women think, “If I were losing myself in a relationship, I’d know it.” But, by the very nature of losing one’s self, you won’t see it coming when it happens. Losing yourself also means losing some very important things like perspective and feelings of self-worth—all of which you need to have intact to see anything clearly. So, no, you probably won’t see it if you’re losing yourself in a relationship. You just have to know the signs ahead of time—write them down somewhere—so if it ever happens you can take a long hard look in the mirror and say, “It’s happening…” Here are signs you lose yourself in relationships.
You suck at texting your friends back
You’ve started getting a lot of, “Hello?” texts, “Are you alive?” messages and “Alright, guess you don’t want to answer me…” follow-ups. You’re so lost in the relationship you can’t take two seconds to respond to your friends.
A small argument can ruin your week
Fighting with your partner sucks, but it shouldn’t ruin your week. It should destroy your ability to enjoy the things you used to enjoy, like yoga, happy hour, walks on the beach, etc. You’re too consumed with the relationship if that’s happening.
You think a lot before you speak
You find yourself doing a lot of thinking before you speak. You want every sentence to come out perfectly…That’s probably because you’re afraid of losing your partner because you’ve lost yourself, so you never want to accidentally upset him.
Your goals have come to a halt
You’ve stopped attending that night class, going to those networking events, sending out query letters, attending work happy hours and such. You now spend all the free time you used to spend on forwarding your career with your partner.
You only feel present when he’s there
If you’re not with your partner, you cannot focus on the people around you or the thing you are doing. Moments without him just seem like wasted moments. That could be love…but it could also mean that you don’t know how to be happy without your partner anymore.
You can’t remember the last time you did what you wanted to do
Let’s see: last weekend you hiked to that monument he wanted to see and saw the movie he wanted to watch. The weekend before that you visited his old college friend in another town. The weekend before that the two of you worked on his work presentation…
The thought of being alone terrifies you
If the thought of being alone terrifies you, then you’ve definitely lost yourself in the relationship. It’s normal to feel very sad at the concept of losing someone you love, but it’s not normal to feel like you wouldn’t know how to function.
You feel a burst of anger and resentment
When you lose yourself in a relationship, you end up making too many compromises. You don’t speak up much, you don’t say what you want or need, and you mostly just lay down to the will of the other person. This will lead you to feel strong and bizarre bursts of anger and resentment.
It would be nice if we check this amazing book out.. Am so sure it’s going to be very helpful . Psychoanalyst Beverly Engel, author of “Loving Him Without Losing Yourself,” (Currently on Amazon or any other online bookstore).
The more we give up of ourselves, the less we are the woman our sweetie was attracted to in the first place, says Sherry Argov in “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl — A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” “The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something better in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.”
I know it takes more to be a wife/husband and a parent in a relationship but it’s best you find out what your partner expects of you after your marriage to know if it works for you. Like they say, love is not the only criteria for marriage. The more you lose yourself, they more you become frustrated and gradually start falling put of love with your partner…
It’s never late. It’s time you find our those things you have always wanted to achieve and start doing it…. Giving up on your dreams, it’s not a sign of love..It can only make you a bitter person. Don’t think that only women tend to lose them selves in marriage, most men do to. So this post is for everyone.
It’s always about you…….. Never forget that.
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